My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
