Barsexuality is the new black.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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