aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
