I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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