Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
