quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
