drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
