soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
