I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
