Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
