so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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