Sponge bath it is.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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