how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
