I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
