You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
