I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
