Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
pray to the hookup gods
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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