she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize