so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
