Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
