I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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