tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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