I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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