do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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