her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
