Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
