I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize