I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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