I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
