i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
