There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
