I'm really into asian looking animals
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How does it feel to date your dad?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
