my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
