Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
