Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
