I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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