its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
