There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize