You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
