I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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