I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
