so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
