I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
