CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
