Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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