you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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