dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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