How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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