If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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