I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
