Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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