Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
