Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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