So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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