Got a toothbrush?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just invented taco cereal.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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