Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
A bitchslap is in order.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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