Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
