she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
