I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
