Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
