I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
