I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
