i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i will never coherently bang her
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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