we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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