Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
