i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
