there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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