So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
