She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
