After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
