he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
