I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
