how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
