we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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