we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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