U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
