Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just high enough for therapy.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
