New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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