I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
