You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
