Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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