Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
