she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
