happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just pee around me
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
