I showed him my bush... on skype.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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