he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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