I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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