Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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