Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
