I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
