2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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