Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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