he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I am midnight drunk by noon
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
