you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
