he wants to bone in the snuggie
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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