wrigley field is MILF paradise
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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