I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize