My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the day after is always just damage control
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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