the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
