omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
