Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
