do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i believe in u and ur pee
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
