I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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